Signs of Her Love

The Brown Scapular of
Our Lady of  Mount Carmel

It is the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel.

I think of the Carmelite saints, immersed in the luminous darkness of the Mystery of God, who witness to us like prophets, after the manner of the original man of Carmel, the prophet Elijah, who was taken up to heaven in a whirlwind and a fiery chariot (2 Kings 2:11-12).

And at the center of the whirlwind is the simplicity of Mary's heart. With her Son, she lives now the promise of the New Creation, her whole humanity--soul and body--transfigured forever in the glory of God. She clothes the children of Carmel with the promise of the Kingdom woven into the very fabric of their garments; and she offers to each of us little pieces of this cloth, that we can wear to stay close to her heart.

Mary wants to be close to each of us, and she distributes abundantly among us the concrete signs of her love. In turn, as Pope Benedict XVI says, people

"...entrust to her their most intimate thoughts,
their most heartfelt wishes....
they confide to her who is all pure,
to her Immaculate Heart:
with simplicity,
without frills,
in truth.
Before Mary,
by virtue of her very purity,
man does not hesitate to reveal his weakness,
to express his questions and his doubts,
to formulate his most secret hopes and desires.
The Virgin Mary’s maternal love disarms all pride;
it renders man capable of seeing himself as he is,
and it inspires in him
the desire to be converted
so as to give glory to God."

                                               (from the Angelus, 9/14/2008)

Meditation in a Magazine

There was a "meditation of the day" in Magnificat recently that caught the attention of some people (including me). It was taken from the introduction to my book Never Give Up: My Life and God's Mercy. Of course I was very happy to see this, above all because I know there is a wide audience that could benefit from my book, and that has yet to be reached. It may also encourage those who have the book to read it, or finish reading it, or maybe read it again. Or talk about it with a friend or loved one.

One thing I know about my book is that it has touched the hearts of a variety of people, with many different kinds of struggles and difficulties. It's not just for "sick" people. So please check out this link (http://t.co/ddwYeqX) or refer others to it.

Magnificat, by the way, is a wonderful resource for building up a life of prayer and reflection (see https://www.magnificat.net/english/index.asp). It is available in both paper and digital formats. Over the years, I have been able to write for a number of their fine publications. Here is a selection from my "meditation" that appeared on Thurday, July 12:

I am convinced that the sufferings of my family in these recent years are nothing more than the lot of multitudes of people throughout our world. They, too, love and struggle and seek the face of God. 

We must never lose our trust in God. Even when life is a black abyss, we must have faith, because God has promised, 'I am with you' (Is 43: 5; Mt 28: 20; see Ps 23: 4). The road is often narrow and dark, but God is our shepherd. He is by our side, even when we feel very much like wounded sheep. 

When we walk "through the valley of the shadow death" (Ps 23: 4), we must not give in to the bug of anxiety that would bite us at every turn. 'The valley of the shadow' is a long way from paradise. And yet God is with us. We must hold close to him in faith, a faith that comes through the breath of love, however faint that breath may seem.

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Fathers and Sons and Baseball

Whiff!

John Paul and I finally got to a Front Royal Cardinals baseball game. The one unfortunate thing about spending the month of June in California was missing half of the Valley League summer season.

The game was a disaster. They lost 16-2. Ack! Really, there's nothing wrong with your eyes: it does say "baseball" up above. Not football. It was gruesome. The team doesn't look very good this year. Still, we had a good evening.

There are various leagues like this in different parts of the country. Interested college players spend their summers in small towns, swinging real wooden bats and hoping to be noticed by Major League scouts...although I'm sure many don't entertain such high hopes. They just want to sharpen their game, or maybe they're looking for a summer adventure. It's a good way for a college athlete to spend the summer.

But if you live in one of these small towns, the summer season is one of the most important cultural events of the year.

If you have a child who loves baseball, it's a little bit of magic.

Wait,...did I say "child"?

?

There is something timeless about going to the little ballpark, summer after summer, sitting in the same spot to the right of home plate, and doing the "baseball thing"--watching the game, following statistics, analyzing strategy, cheering and stomping; and also getting some (hopefully fresh and cool) evening air, visiting with friends, gabbing, eating ice cream or hot dogs or nuts, or even just watching the summer sky change from evening to sunset to twilight.

For me, however, it's above all something special that I share with my son.

That part has not exactly been "timeless"! Over the past eight years, the person with whom I attend games has probably doubled in size, and more than doubled in understanding. On the other hand, he's still the same person.

Eight years ago (more or less), baseball "woke up" inside a little boy. I don't recall doing anything special to prompt this awakening, and indeed nothing like it has happened to any of the girls (at least, not yet). He barely understood what was going on: "Daddy, what just happened?" he kept asking me. He asked a lot of questions. And he learned fast.

Then came the baseball cards, the summer baseball camps, the books full of statistics. Oh, and life too. Lots of that!

Summer after summer we have gone to the ballpark to see the games and talk about baseball, and other stuff. Even the years I didn't feel well, we went to the ball games. I don't know where the energy came from. Perhaps it came from fatherhood, which has a hidden strength--something much greater than I could ever generate by myself, something that triumphs over adversity. Even in the small stuff. Especially in the small stuff.

I know he'll keep growing. He has so much talent and so many possibilities. Above all, he has a vocation, whatever it might be, and only God knows where it may take him.

Someday, God willing, he'll be forty years old and I'll be hurrrumph! years old, and we'll go to a baseball game, and talk about baseball...and other stuff. Or else, there will be something else that we share, that reminds us of that "timeless" thing that lies at the heart of every moment, and toward which we journey together.

The Way of Life

The Feast of St. Benedict,

our father in faith:

What could be sweeter

than the voice of the Lord

inviting us?

Behold,

in His loving kindness

the Lord shows us the way of life.

Let us put nothing higher

than the love of Christ.

And never despair of God's mercy.

--From the Rule of St. Benedict

Poor Little People

We are just poor little people.

Our family.

We make a lot of mistakes.

We are weak.

We offer it to God

and pray

that He will make something

beautiful out of us.

Long Summer Days

Home again for a week now.

Everyone is still sleeping late except for me. But I am grateful our family is together. And in these long summer days, I try to remember that we belong to a Beauty and a Greatness that are beyond anything we can express.

Jesus never forgets us, even when our minds and our plans are far from Him. And thank God it's not just a myth, or a nice story, or a "system" that we fashion to try to organize our lives.

Jesus really loves us. He really loves our destiny: me, and Eileen, and John Paul, and Agnese, and Lucia, and Teresa, and Josefina--we are real persons created and loved by God, who have a real destiny that He is working to bring about, in the midst of all of our flaws and the messes we make.

Jesus came to love the destiny of each one of us, and He remains in the Church, in the Eucharist, and in the grace through which He draws our hearts. He is here, to communicate God's love to us, and to bring us to our true fulfillment as persons. When I look at my family, I must remember these things.

California, There We Went!

A five hundred year old tree deserves a good hug! ;)

Alright, the time has finally come to reflect upon (and show pictures of) our relaxing family vacation in California during this past June. Although our trip was common knowledge among my local friends, many internet contacts may have been unaware that I was blogging and networking and even posting pictures over the past month from a location 3000 miles from our home.

Whoa! This is not the Blue Ridge mountains!

So why the "secret"? Well, even though we have a good neighborhood watch where we live (not to mention people looking in regularly on the house), we didn't think it would be a good idea to broadcast over the internet that our house was empty for 28 days. I doubt that I have many crooks among my readership here (I don't even have many...readers, hahaha!). Nevertheless, the great Google circulates all kinds of material on the internet, so we decided to play it safe. After all, we would have felt really bad if some poor thief went through all the trouble to break in to our house, only to discover that we have absolutely nothing worth stealing! (Unless, of course, the thief is a bibliophile with a liberal arts education and a bunch of kids....)

Books and used crayons? We got those! Big screen TV and nice furniture? Heh, heh, nope.
Our favorite place to shop is  La Maison de Bonne Volonté.

We spent the days from June 3 to July 1 in California, in the Bay Area and in the Sierra mountains near Yosemite national park, having a lovely visit with various members of Eileen's family. We used to go frequently to California back in the days when the kids could be toted as carry-on bags, but it had been six years since our last visit. We are tremendously grateful that this trip was made possible at very little expense to us.

This part of the country is like a second home for me. Back in the old days, I used to explore a lot of it on my own, very early in the morning while Eileen and the (then) babies were still sleeping. We also made some unforgettable trips all together.

On this trip, however, we had the great fun of bringing intelligent, observant, and even camera-wielding kids with us. I'm no longer up to doing the kind of hikes I used to love to take in those mountains, but there are many beautiful natural wonders that can be reached along the family trails. We stuck to the paths that could be navigated by little Josefina legs (or a stroller--yes, she still fits into one of those "umbrella" strollers).

We saw many beautiful things. John Paul or Agnese took some of these pictures:

Bridal Veil Falls, at Yosemite (photo by Agnese)

At the famous "Mirror Lake"--Amazing! (by Agnese)

Walls of Rock: The Great Monoliths (photo by John Paul)

Towering Pines and Redwoods (by John Paul)

The famous "Tunnel View Overlook" with Bridal Veil, Half Dome, and El Capitan
rising up from the pines of Yosemite Valley (photo by Agnese)

The Merced River, in the Sierras (by Me)

The kids at the river, looking for GOLD!

Everybody ready for a road trip?

Mission San Juan Bautista (south of San Jose)

We also did plenty of relaxing. We got to go swimming almost every day, and enjoyed cooling off on the hot (but dry) afternoons.

I already posted about the pool. Here's the little fishie again

I love the dry air out there, and the cool mornings when I could walk a short distance to some beautiful, out-of-the-way places.

Early morning sun in the woods

I could live there. I would love it. But our work and our personal roots are so deeply planted in the soggy jungles of miserably humid Virginia. I would miss Virginia very much.

Now we have returned to the storms and the choking humidity "back East." But that's okay. Even though, for the time being, I am largely an air-conditioned prisoner in the house, it's good to be back.

The Healing We All Need: Revisited

Here is an oldie but goodie from last July. A year has gone by. Progress is slow. Jesus have mercy on me.

The human being has a terrible fear of uncertainty.

I know I do. Since I was a child, my introspection, obsessiveness, and anxiety have convinced me that I cannot trust in myself. I cannot be confident about my opinions of myself. I cannot be confident that I am seeing reality in the right way.

Yet I have to judge. I have to act. I have to live my life and attend to my responsibilities. Even in my present, convalescent environment, with external pressures kept to a minimum and reliance on simple routine, still I am a man, a husband, a father, a companion to my wife and an example to my children, and--to the degree that I am able--a help to others. I still must work. Every day, I work on myself. I work on the healing process. I work on projects in the struggle to keep my profession alive.

Yet I often do not feel grounded. For many years, I attempted to trust in a kind of "Christian ideology." I attempted to impose a conception of what was "necessary to be a good Catholic" on the awful ambiguity of my life. It required a fair amount of rationalizing, interpreting, and good old fashioned fibbing to stuff the mess of my life inside this box so that it would not haunt my sense of self-confidence. Alongside of this, of course, God was at work, I was praying, seeking Him, and genuinely desiring (in however wobbly a fashion) to do His will and to trust in Him. Yet the ultimate uncertainty of my ideas constantly undermined my confidence.

Illness has forced me to face the need to rely on other people. What a relief it would be to abandon my freedom to their judgment. There is the temptation here to trust in other people's coherence, as if the reason why I follow the guidance of my wife, my doctors, my friends and my spiritual director is because they "have it all together" and I don't. But this kind of trust doesn't hold up either, because it is clear enough--sooner or later--that they are weak human beings too, with flaws and limitations and failures of judgment.

I have to trust in Jesus. This, for me, is not only a spiritual but also a psychological necessity. I am grounded in Jesus. I cry out to Him and beg for that certainty, and to keep my life centered on Him. In the Church He lives as a Presence for me now: as a way, as gestures, as a companionship. And other persons are given to me by Him to help me to insert myself into that life. It is He who works through them. It is because of His love for me that I can trust them. Even if we make a mistake, I can trust that He is behind us to catch us.

Look at this great mystery: marriage. Eileen and I do help each other and together we carry out the task of shaping an environment in which our children are growing. It's not because we are coherent. It's because marriage is a sacrament. It's grounded in Him. From here, it becomes possible to perceive that my relationships with my other companions are grounded in Him, in the communion of saints; that my relationship with every human person is grounded in Him who is the Savior of the world; that my relationship with reality is grounded in Him who is Lord of all creation.

Beyond any pathological condition, there is that radical anxiety, that radical fear of uncertainty, that afflicts us all. The healing we all need comes from Jesus. This is why He says, "believe in me."

Using Our Freedom

Happy Independence Day!

Let us use our freedom, not for indifference and isolation, but for loving and being loved, for self-giving, for the communion of persons.

Being "Like God": What it Really Means

"Human logic...often looks for self-realization through power, domination, and powerful means. Man continues to want to construct the tower of Babel by his own power, in order to reach the heights of God unaided, to be like God. The Incarnation and the Cross remind us that full realization resides in conforming one’s human will to the Father’s, in being emptied of egoism in order to be filled with love, with the charity of God, and thus to become truly capable of loving others. Man does not find himself by remaining closed in within himself, by affirming himself. Man finds himself only by going out of himself; we only find ourselves if we go out of ourselves. And if Adam wanted to imitate God, this in itself was not bad, but he erred in his idea about God. God is not one who wills only greatness. God is love, who gives himself first in the Trinity, and then in creation. And to imitate God means going out of oneself; it means giving oneself in love."

--Benedict XVI

The Precious Blood of Jesus

In the tradition of the Latin rite, the month of July is dedicated to the Precious Blood of Jesus. When we dwell upon the blood that was shed on the Cross and is poured out for us in the Eucharist, we remember that the life Jesus gives us is something fundamentally vital. He has come to transform my humanity, and the very blood in my own veins belongs to Him. The same is true of the blood of my brothers and sisters, the blood of every person. He became flesh so as to claim for Himself and thereby give a new meaning to our humanity--to heal us and transform us and make us children of the Father.

The Church presents "the Precious Blood of Jesus" not just to focus our sentiments, but to open up our hearts to the reality of the gift of His love, that we might seek Him and beg to discover Him more and more as the truth of our daily lives.

Here is a reflection I have written. My reflections are nothing more than my attempts to express the desire for His presence that stirs in my soul even in the midst of so many distractions.

Jesus, draw me close to Your heart

and let its precious blood and cleansing water

flow through me

and rouse my sluggish soul.

Awaken my mind and heart

to the reality of Your presence in this moment;

This moment,

in which You give Yourself to me

and fill everything with the torrents of Your love.

Flood my soul with the river of Your mercy;

let it surround me

and flow into all the narrow places,

so much in need of healing.

Fill me with Your life-giving Spirit,

who calls me forth to live truly

in the Father's love.

Dear Mother Mary,

pray that my heart might be filled

with a hunger and hope for Jesus,

whom you are bringing to me in this moment,

in every moment of every day.

Show me your tenderness

so that the love of God feels close to me,

and pray that the Holy Spirit will bring healing

and take down barriers

and soften whatever is hard,

soften it with compassion.

The Triumph of Faithful Love

Today is the feast of the First Martyrs of the Church of Rome. So many whose names we don't even know, who shed their blood or gave their bodies to be burned in the persecutions of the first century. We honor today these unknown martyrs whose sacrifice in Christ, along with that of the apostles, changed forever the great "city of the Gentiles." May they help us to engage the dangers and the drama of our own time, placing our trust in Jesus who is the same, yesterday, today, and forever.

The prayer of today's liturgy:

O God, who consecrated
the abundant first fruits of the Roman Church
by the blood of the Martyrs,
grant, we pray, that with firm courage
we may together draw strength from so great a struggle
and ever rejoice at the triumph of faithful love.
Through our Lord Jesus Christ, your Son,
who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever.
– Amen.

"Honeymoon" - An Adventure Together

June ends beautifully, with the great Solemnity of Sts. Peter and Paul. This always leads me to reminisce about the Eternal City. As I've said before here, Eileen and I are both "Romans" by virtue of the (different) times we each lived and studied there in our youth, and by our great excursion together at the beginning of our married life.

We spent three and a half weeks in Italy for our "honeymoon" back in 1996. We were able to make this trip because we didn't seek a "lovers' solitude" experience; we spent all but five nights at the homes of friends. It was a real trek, from Rome to Assisi to Florence to Ravenna to Milan to the Italian Riviera. I'm so glad we did it then, when we had the time and the energy of our youth. I'm glad that, while we were still able, we rode trains and buses, slept on floors or (worse) the infamous Italian "letto," and hauled bags that got bigger and bigger as we accumulated loot along the way! I recommend this kind of honeymoon for you young folks, especially if you are humanities buffs like us. Trust me, you will never be able to throw yourselves about with such freedom as in these early days of marriage. Soon come the babies, and then come the bad backs and the arthritis. Youth is the time to explore, to rough it, to have an adventure, especially with your spouse. Go somewhere beautiful and fascinating, full of human history and aesthetic richness. Or go on pilgrimage to the places where God's love has touched the world. You will build a foundation of common experience that will stay with you forever.

In Rome we spent a week and a half at an apartment not far from the Vatican, with a friend's mother. This lovely old woman cleared a room for us, made coffee for us every morning, and often fed us abundantly in the kitchen at night (even if we had already eaten). I have never found a restaurant that can match the culinary magic that happens in the simple Italian kitchen. Oh, my my!

We went to all our favorite spots in Rome and shared them together. We brought our newly married life to the tomb of St. Peter, and prayed a long time. We explored churches and ruins and great art. June 29th sticks in my mind because we went to St. Peter's basilica for the ceremony in which the Pope (then Blessed John Paul II) invests new Archbishops with the pallium, a woolen band worn as a sign of their particular responsibility and their communion with the Pope.

It was a beautiful ceremony, very crowded of course, so that we barely had a glimpse of the Pope. (We had no idea, at that time, that we were going to meet him in a few days!) Afterwards, in the midst of the crowds, we bumped into a little bishop from Malaysia--whose name I do not remember--and struck up a conversation with him. He was the first bishop to bless our marriage.

I wonder where he is today. We never did get his name.

Among many things, Rome is also a place of unusual meetings and unexpected changes in plans. It is a place where all the cultures of the world gather, dialogue with one another, and celebrate together the One who brings true unity to the whole human family.

[P.S. I'll tell some more stories of our honeymoon adventures in upcoming blogs. :-) ]

Fortnight for Freedom: The Foundation is the Person

I am quite struck by the fact that, during this "Fortnight for Freedom," the people of the ecclesial movement Communion and Liberation are working on the texts of the annual retreat, given this past spring by Fr. Julian Carron. This section of the retreat is full of quotations from talks that Msgr. Giussani gave in the 1990s, but their point is stunningly pertinent to this very moment that we are living together.

The charism of CL is a witness in the Church to the truth about the human person. I have followed this charism for 22 years because here I have learned to recognize, and have been provoked again and again to remember, who I am. It is an ongoing education, through life more than words, in being a human person, in being myself.

Here are some excerpts:

Since the power has as its ideal and aim subjecting everyone's life to rules..., this elimination of freedom has dramatic consequences, since we don't want all to be enslaved, or maneuvered on the orders of a central mechanism. So how is it possible to resist? How is it possible to offer an alternative to the dominion of power that means to put itself in a position to determine every aspect, every expression of man's life, dictating even the moral laws? The only resource for blocking the intrusion of power is in that vertex of the cosmos that is the "I," that is freedom.

 ....The only resource that is left to us is a powerful recovery of the Christian sense of the "I." I say the "Christian" sense not out of preconception, but because Christ's word, Christ's attitude, Christ's conception of the human person, of the "I," is the only one that explains all the factors that we feel boiling up inside us, emerging in our hearts. For this reason...no power will be able, could be able to crush the "I" as such, to prevent the "I" from being "I."

 ....The strength of this subject that is called "I,"...the greatness of the subject, the newness of the person is given by a belonging that is neither in things that happen, nor in gardens we imagine and construct, in earthly gardens we have thought up and built.... The strength of the "I" and of the you, the strength of the subject, of the person, is in something other to which I totally belong, to which the "I" totally acknowledges it belongs. This is the lived experience of the personality: acknowledging that I belong to what makes me.

 --from texts of Msgr. Luigi Giussani (my italics)

And Fr. Carron comments:

As soon as something happens, we fall apart, not because we are fragile, or because of the circumstances, or the environment. Let's stop it! We fall apart because of our lack of self-awareness. No power in this world could eliminate us, no matter what the circumstance, if we had this self-awareness, because the self-awareness does not lie in physical energy, or in our possibility of success, or in our capacity. Our strength, all the energy of our strength is in the simple acknowledgment of Him to whom we belong, He who makes us now.

Then Fr. Carron continues, quoting from Msgr. Giussani's book In Search of the Human Face (1995):

Because the Lord is everything, but "not on the strength of our sentiment, because 'we feel' that He is everything; not on the strength of an act of the will, because 'we decide' that He is everything; not moralistically, because 'He has to be' everything, but by nature."

These are some selections of what I have been reading today.

They hardly even begin to do justice to the retreat, but they do indicate the challenges we all face in a society that aims to suffocate the human person. This is a crucial way of looking at current events: we must allow them to awaken us to the truth of who we really are, who we belong to, and what is our destiny. We are challenged, all of us together, to help one another to live and judge and engage reality from this awareness.

The Illness Is Real, And It Can Be Treated

People who read this blog know that I have written a few things about my own experience in dealing with both physical and mental illness, in the context of trusting in God's mercy (such as my book, Never Give Up: My Life and God's Mercy, published by Servant/Franciscan Media, which you can order from their websites, or your local bookstore, and of course on amazon http://t.co/ddwYeqX Click this Link! Order Now! Get it for a loved one or a friend! Available on Kindle too!)

#ShamelessAdvertisement - haha.

Really, this is not about money (although money would be very nice, thank you). What motivates me to continue promoting this book is that I know it has helped many people, regardless of whether or not they have health problems. The book still seems to be doing a lot of good. What I want more than anything is for people to read it. And give it to other people so that they can read it. The book is not just for "sick" people. It's for people who suffer. And everybody suffers!

Below I am presenting again a post from June of 2011. It remains timely and important. The title of the post was Mental Illness Happens to "Normal" People. Here it is:

Tonight I am reflecting upon mental illness, but this time not my own.

It is so hard to get people to see that mental illness is real, by which I mean that it is real illness, and that it happens to people who are "regular human beings;" not just people who are in mental institutions or who have pieces of shrapnel sticking out of their skulls.

I understand the difficulty. Some good and patient people had to work on me for a long time to convince me that I was sick, and that I would only do further harm to myself and others if I didn't submit to the kind of healing processes that this illness requires. I can see why it's such a difficulty to introduce the topic in other circumstances, when people show signs that this kind of pain may be afflicting them. This is especially a problem for Christians. We Christians, I believe, are still very uncomfortable with approaching the widespread problem of mental illness in our society and among ourselves.

One reason is because Christians believe in free will and personal responsibility, and we think that pop psychology is an attempt to rationalize bad human behavior. Sadly, there are modes of psychology and even psychiatric medical practice that give us reason to think this way. Lacking a proper foundation in human nature and a recognition of the human religious sense, some doctors seem to invent illnesses that don't really exist, overdiagnose, misdiagnose, and give poor treatment for genuine conditions so that the person is worse off than before. This fact doesn't help Christians deal squarely with the issue. Admitting mental illness appears to be an abdication of personal responsibility, an attempt to evade the effort to overcome personal weakness by moral effort. And since we are all sinners and we all do this to some extent, it makes it hard to clarify where the line is between sinfulness and affliction.

And yet afflictions and disorders of the "mind" are physiologically based, scientifically documented, and clinically verified beyond any reasonable doubt. Patterns of illness, treatment, and response/recovery are established. What is necessary is for more Christians to get involved in psychiatric medicine, psychology, and psychotherapy. Medical treatments and clinical analysis must be brought together more and more with a Christian understanding of treating and caring for the whole human person. Meanwhile, psychiatry needs to become more integrated with other medical specialties (indeed this is beginning to happen; I have found that psychiatrists often have a broader understanding of various illnesses in general than other specialists). This is important because there are so many physical factors that impact upon the emotional and psychological sphere. An integral approach to the health of the whole person is increasingly necessary in this stressful, fragmented world. The human person is so fragile on every level of his or her being.

We Christians (and, for that matter, all of us "normal" people) need to recognize that mental illness does not place a person in some strange category of rare freaks. Mental illness happens to normal people. It happens among us, in our communities, in our circles of friends, in our families. It happens to talented people and articulate people and even people who have the gift of helping others.

We must not be shocked, disoriented, amazed, or at a loss for what to do when it does happen. We must be ready to help the person in need. I encourage everyone to learn more about these things, for their own sakes and for those they love.

If you or someone you know needs help, you might try this website: http://www.catholictherapists.com/

The Forerunner

We who eagerly honor you 
are unable, O Prophet,
Forerunner of the presence of Christ,
to extol you as it is meet to do;
for by your noble and solemn nativity
the barrenness of your mother
was undone,
and the tongue of your father
was loosened,
and to the world was proclaimed
the Incarnation of the Son of God.

(Troparion for the Nativity

of the Forerunner,

St. John the Baptist,

Byzantine Liturgy, June 24)

Yesterday's Anniversary

Our sixteenth wedding anniversary. Sixteen years of good times and bad, sickness and health. And five completely new human beings, created by God. On the day we were married, none of them existed. But God knew them. He brought us together not only for each other, but also for them. The miracle of creation is happening all around us, and through our cooperation. How can we look at life and not be amazed!?

The Janaros in current form

My dear Eileen Janaro, I love you more than I can ever adequately express, and I love the adventure of the life we share. Thank God for you and for the miracle of our family.

So what did we do on our anniversary? We spent the day taking a long trek to visit some family. And a bunch of us went out for pizza. It was worthwhile and it was fun, but it was very tiring. Ack, I get tired too easily!!

We had about ten minutes alone, enough time for presents. I gave her a pendant of a small butterfly with mother of pearl in the middle and made of some interesting local metals. I knew it would look good on her.

We'll get to go out together, just the two of us. It's not so hard to get away, now that we have "built in" babysitters. But today I'm exhausted. There are so many things we would love to do, but we have to adjust everything to the limits of my illness. And it's not that I'm dragging my feet. I've pushed my limits too hard many, many times, and it's not good. For now, slow and steady seems to work best

The Janaros, June 22, 1996

Things could be a lot worse. I feel pretty good. Somehow the gaps get filled, and life opens up new possibilities for us and new vistas for the kids (which they might not have if I were Superdad).

Still, it's not easy being married to a person like me, who has all these health problems. But we help each other to grow. Marriage is a vocation. That means that it is difficult but good, and that it always raises new challenges.  It also means that there is grace! It's not "cheap grace"--we have to ask for it and ask for it, again and again, day after day. Not because God is stingy, but because we have to keep making room to receive His gift.

The gift of grace is abundant. Grace is at the center of marriage. It's not "magic"--it doesn't "fix" the other person or the circumstances in such a way that everything becomes easy. It generates the possibility of love, even in the most difficult circumstances, and it builds (slowly, day by day) new ways of looking at everything: the trials and also the joys, the past, the present, and the future.

Of course we forget about grace, most of the time. Let us thank God for the moments that we remember, and ask that those moments might increase. In spite of how it may seem at the beginning, the grace that builds up married life is not a great wind or a roaring fire. It is the sound of the breeze, and the still, small voice.

Day One

There are many issues involved in the HHS mandate. There is one that should be clear to everybody: The executive branch of the United States government is attempting to assert power over the consciences of religious believers. Catholic Christians who adhere with religious conviction to the teachings of the pope and the bishops in union with him will face fines and other coercive measures if they refuse to cooperate with a government policy that violates those teachings. Moreover, the government claims the authority to determine what constitutes a genuine religious activity. This puts Catholic Christians, led by their bishops (!), in a position of having to beg the government for exemptions or accommodations of this law so that they can keep their charitable and educational institutions running, and secure respect for the consciences of the persons who are responsible for establishing and executing the policy of these institutions.

The government has proposed a modification of its policy, and the bishops have judged that it is still not acceptable. The government disagrees. They say that it should be acceptable. Gosh, who has authority in my religion?

Deep breath.

What part of "WE CANNOT OBEY THIS LAW WITHOUT VIOLATING OUR CONSCIENCES" does the government not understand?

Whether they understand or not, it remains a fact. We will not obey your unjust law. And we will not stand for the fact that our bishops--the successors of the apostles of Jesus Christ our Lord and God--are forced to wait upon the bureaucratic court of a government executive who is massively overstepping the boundaries of his power.

For this reason, as well as for the great sufferings of our culture, we are praying, and making sacrifices, and fasting during these next two weeks.

I am doing this because I am committed to the authentic dignity of every human person, whose relationship with his or her destiny transcends the dictats of the State.

And because I love the Church!

Starting Anew

I am studying the notes of the annual CL retreat given by Fr. Julian Carron. This passage strikes me, because so many in our society today (ourselves included) try to justify or escape from sins, even to the point of enshrining them as "rights" in civil law. Why do we do this? I believe its a form of desperation, because we have not encountered (or else we have forgotten) the face and the gaze of the One who affirms us for what we truly are, and opens up the wonderful possibility of starting again, of being free.

"Man is never ultimately what he does, rather, he is that relationship with the Infinite that Christ affirmed by His gaze upon all those He encountered, particularly the sinners.... Precisely because we have encountered this same gaze, we can acknowledge our errors and mistakes without justifying them, because a person never ceases to be such, no matter what errors he commits....

"For this reason, acknowledging the objectivity of the error and the need for reparation (something that is always intrinsic to a position of truth) does not in any way mean rejecting the person. Christ introduced this gaze into history. Often we are the first to be scandalized by certain errors, ours or others ('How is it possible!?'). [But] it is not a matter of denying them, or censuring them, or justifying them; it is a matter of being able to face them in order to start anew.

"But what is the point of departure to begin again? 'Recovery for man, in any interest of his, in any expression, can only start from a renewal, full of pain at one's forgetfulness of the memory of Christ: the memory of Christ as normal content of the new self-awareness of the Christian' (Fr. Giussani). This memory is the source of morality as recovery, as a striving to always begin anew, untiringly, no matter what error has been committed.... [It] exists solely as a striving and an entreaty, if we turn as beggars, abashed and thus humble, with a certainty that is renewed every morning."

--Fr. Julian Carron 

Brain, Body, and Soul

The mountains are stately, and the air is cool and dry. I've been waking up very early in the morning and going for long walks. I breathe in the air, deeply. Dry air is like medicine (shucks, it's better than medicine). I can almost feel it going through my brain and my whole body, rejuvenating me.

The brain is such a fascinating, delicate, and (it turns out) remarkably resilient organ. I have often said that we must pay attention to the amazing discoveries that are taking place today regarding the brain and the central nervous system. We have learned so much about brain injuries and diseases, as well as the many ways that neurological functions can be healed or at least reconfigured. Every day we learn more and more about the corollaries between psychological and emotional states and the various parts of the brain with their neurological and chemical components. The health and proper operation of the brain affects human behavior. And human behavior, in turn, can develop, alter, or help restore brain functioning.

Of course there are many hypotheses about all of this that are being proposed and tested. I cannot propose my own in a scientific manner, as I am not a scientist. Rather, I am a "guinea pig" in this ongoing study. Being a philosophical guinea pig, however, I cannot help finding the whole thing very interesting. I am also aware of the attempt of some in the scientific fields to relate brain functioning to the universally human realm of "transempirical" experience.

Neuroscience has been able to observe a correspondence between brain activity and various "spiritual" experiences. Some people would like to rush to the conclusion that this correspondence constitutes an explanation of the phenomenon of "spirituality," the human impetus toward transcendence, or even human consciousness.

Not so fast.

I think what we are finding is evidence of the profound, inseparable interrelationship between the brain (and indeed the "body" itself) and "whatever it is" that constitutes within the human being the foundation of those specifically human experiences of thought and action. We are speaking here of experiences such as consciousness, self-awareness, and the capacity to affirm the truth about principles, ideals, and realities that go beyond direct contact with the senses.

There is a great difference, however, between discovering a correspondence and discovering a cause. For example, every time I raise my hand, a shadow of my hand appears the wall. Here we observe a correspondence between the shadow and my hand. But we cannot conclude from this that the shadow causes my hand to raise. And (presuming that all we could see was the shadow on the wall) we clearly cannot conclude from the observation of the shadow alone that the hand does not really exist and that what people call "the hand" is really just a shadow.

So also, the fact that a certain configuration and functioning of the brain has been observed in studies of monks who are meditating does not prove that this apparently spiritual experience is nothing more than a kind of brain activity.

A classical philosopher like Thomas Aquinas would be fascinated by all of this new research, but not terribly surprised by it. He would see in it a confirmation of his own conclusion that the human being is a composite of "soul" and "body," and that the "soul" is both a spiritual reality and also the "form" (the pervasive, integrating vital principle) of the body.

As is so often the case with Aquinas, he provides us with a kind of "outline" and conceptual structure with which both scientists and philosophers can collaborate in building an ever deeper understanding of the mystery of the human person.

As you can see, I had a thoughtful walk today. :)

Two Hearts

Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. We are specially blessed by the feast days of the two Hearts, who are thus enthroned in our home:

The time of the person is the time of the human heart. In the Hearts of Jesus and Mary, the mystery of the human heart is revealed.

Verbal Warfare (One Year Later)

Here is a post from June 2011 that is worth revisiting:

Sometimes I am frightened by words. We have more words today than ever before in history, and more ways of saying them. So many of our words boil down to people saying things to people about other people. We call it conversation or (bless us) "concern" for one another, or--depending on our media platform--opinion, journalism, scholarship, analysis, information, exchange of views, etc., etc., etc.

What so much of it really is, in the end, is one form or another of self-affirmation, gossip, unnecessary curiosity, detraction, calumny, or cynicism. We use words to assert ourselves, or to make war on one another. And our words express what is inside our hearts. We have hearts full of violence.

I have asked myself, "How often, when I speak or write, am I truly seeking to edify reality, to affirm what is good? How often are my words aimed at distraction, or at drawing attention to myself?" How many wasted words! And yet I have a desire to speak the truth. I have the desire and the prayer that my words might be works of mercy and instruments of peace. And yet I am always running into myself.

I think perhaps we speak foolishly because we are insecure. We seek attention with our words, even at the expense of others. Why? Because we are afraid that we are not loved. Or, rather, we have forgotten that we are loved. We are not nourished by a vital connection with the One who loves us.

We need prayer. And not just more words of prayer. We need silence.

We need to let Him love us.

He Will Satisfy

If you preach Jesus,

He will melt hardened hearts;

if you invoke Him, He will soften harsh temptations;

if you think of Him,

He will enlighten your mind;

if you read of Him,

He will satisfy your intellect.

—Saint Anthony of Padua

Forgiveness

"Too heavy for us, our offenses,
but you wipe them away" (Psalm 65:4).

I once heard our culture described as a place where "everything is permitted, and nothing is forgiven." There is much truth in that assessment. I think this is one of the reasons why so many people are anxiously trying to change moral norms to accommodate behaviors today that humanity's moral conscience has always rejected in the past.

Deep down, people don't believe in forgiveness. They may talk about it, but in their hearts they don't really think it's possible.

I can understand why people feel that way. Sometimes I feel that way myself. If I see "myself" as consisting in an autonomous project of self-definition, a project that I carry out alone, I will run into my own limitations everywhere. I will always fall short. And if I am truly alone, what can I do when I fail, other than condemn myself and suffer the condemnation of others.

Thus we try to bend the moral norms, so that we can define our failures as success, and demand that others do the same. This can only be brought about by a refusal to look at reality, and by doing violence to ourselves and others. This violence, in turn, must be justified and redefined. We are afraid to be alone with the horror of what we have made of ourselves.

But perhaps our culture may begin to notice that redefining the standards of what it means to be human, among other things, doesn't work. We still bump into our own limitations, everywhere. We who claim to be "free" are in fact a society obsessed with guilt, terrified of failure, and full of self-loathing. We flee into addictions in a desperate effort to distract ourselves. To put it simply: we are not happy.

But what if I am not "alone"?

What if the core of my person consists in "belonging-to-Another"? What if my real life is in fact a relationship with the Source of all meaning and goodness? And what if I begin to realize that my very be-ing in this moment is the result of the fact that I am being loved by the One who is Infinite Love?

If this is true, then I am "good" and my humanity is a gift. A precious gift. I am precious to Someone. And when I fail, I can seek forgiveness. I can hope that the One who is Good will make me good. This hope is written on my heart, and I do not need to suffocate it. There is forgiveness.

Eucharist: From The Heart Of Christ

Everything begins, one might say, from the heart of Christ who, at the Last Supper, on the eve of his passion, thanked and praised God and by so doing, with the power of his love, transformed the meaning of death which he was on his way to encounter. The fact that the Sacrament of the Altar acquired the name “Eucharist” — “thanksgiving” — expresses precisely this: that changing the substance of the bread and wine into the Body and Blood of Christ is the fruit of the gift that Christ made of himself, the gift of a Love stronger than death, divine Love which raised him from the dead. This is why the Eucharist is the food of eternal life, the Bread of Life. From Christ’s heart, from his “Eucharistic prayer” on the eve of his passion flows that dynamism which transforms reality in its cosmic, human and historical dimensions. All things proceed from God, from the omnipotence of his Triune Love, incarnate in Jesus. Christ’s heart is steeped in this Love; therefore he can thank and praise God even in the face of betrayal and violence, and in this way changes things, people and the world.

--Benedict XVI (Corpus Christi 2011)